Girl, you need your friends

"A friend loves at all times" Proverbs 17:17

I always remember that verse because I think when I was about 17 years old is when I first realized how much I loved my girlfriends. My parents just didn't "get" me and my sisters were not my age, and boys were just not cutting it. These girls knew exactly how to curl my hair, they knew which eye shadow looked the best on me and they could get me belly laughing like nobody else. When my heart was broken, I could call them no matter what time it was and we were all mad at that boy together! And our girl gang could rock a kick butt rendition of "pour some sugar on me", cuz we saw Def Leopard in concert. Sue's Mom drove us to Rapid in her Pontiac Parisienne, through the mountains and over the woods, and just in time to see our favorite band! We snuck out to the LAK lake and wrote our names on the bridge, our signature on life that we were best friends forever. And, to this day I would tell you that I love all 4 of those girls still with all of my heart. We all live all over the country now, but they hold a very special place in my heart. The girls who taught me how to be a friend. (this is a terrible pic, but it was the 90's and I'm pretty sure we took it on a disposable camera). The good news is, we used a lot of White Rain hairspray that morning.

Over the years, I have made lots of amazing friends. Some are my family who have become my friends, and some are friends who have become family. But I love my girls more than life itself.

I have learned a few secrets over the past 40 some years of how to find the best friends. My favorite advice comes right from the Lord. 1 Corinthians 13 talks about what love is and how we are to do it.

1. Love is patient. Patience doesn't come easy for some of us. I swear sometimes I have jitters in my bones and I can't stand to wait. So patience is something I have to work hard for. But patience with friends is a little different than what we traditionally think of. Patience with friends comes from a place of love and respect. It is tender and kind. It doesn't assume the worst, and it means allowing each other room for faults. Sometimes we immediately want to lecture or judge, but friends are to slow down and think and consider each others feelings before doing that. It means choosing to control your emotions and reactions and respond slowly and intentionally.

2. Love is kind. Google dictionary tells us kindness is, "the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate." I think being kind is all of that but also smiling, being sweet, saying nice things to each other, helping as needed and always thinking of the other persons feelings. Kindness feels so good.

3. It does not envy. I truly believe jealousy is one of the most evil forces among humans. It is awful, mean, hurtful and destroys relationships. And it is so easy to do. Being jealous of others is natural, so it happens without even realizing it sometimes. We are all guilty of it. If we are not to envy others, we must make this intentional. We must purposefully strive to be genuinely happy for others and put aside that urge to be angry about it. Jealousy does not come from the Lord, but He will definitely help you to deal with it. If you can't find the strength to not covet someone, pray about it. God is faithful and He will help your heart to let that go. It is so liberating to not feel jealous of others and to feel so happy for their successes. You will make so many more friends if you figure out how to deal with this evil temptation. Just focus on your blessings, and you will find fulfillment.

4. It does not boast, it is not proud. Being proud or arrogant is a huge turn off for most people. And God says numerous times in the Bible, that He hates pride. I think pride and jealousy go hand in hand. Being humble is such a wonderful trait, and especially with others. Remembering that you are not to judge, and instead love your friends no matter what. Friends want a safe relationship, where they can be themselves. They want someone to encourage them to be a better person, but not to be haughty or arrogant and act like they know everything. And nobody wants to hear you boast. We ALL make mistakes, but approaching that humbly with your friends will encourage love and loyalty. Nothing is better than a humble loving human.

5. It does not dishonor others. In our world, sassy and mean has become something almost normal. We think it's ok, especially on social media to be disrespectful to others. It is not ok. It is never ok to be disrespectful to those we love, especially. We all get irritable and cranky sometimes. But if you feel that way, find some distance from your friend until you feel better. Be sweet and kind, always.

6. It is not self-seeking. We can't have one sided relationships. We have to think about what we can give, not what we are getting. Adjust your thinking with friends. Focus on what you can do for them and you will be amazed how much closer you will become.

7. It is not easily angered. See, take a breath and learn to blow things off. At least if you want to retain your relationships. And then have some fun!!!

8. It holds no record of wrongs. Forgiveness is a very noble quality. To me, it is easier to forgive if you deal with your issues. So many times we keep our feelings bottled up and don't talk about how things hurt us or maybe how we hurt others. So my advice: TALK ABOUT those elephants. Deal with it, and you will be able to quickly forgive. And holding onto anger and bitterness, as they say, is like punishing yourself rather than the other person. So let it go, talk about it and move on. Be quick to forgive, and then let it go. Jesus forgives us, and he died on the cross so our sin would go away forever. He doesn't bring it up down the road, or hold it against us. So we should forgive and forget like He does for us.

9. It does not delight in evil. Sometimes sin is fun. I get it, it is the same for all of us. And sometimes being mean to your friends or to just be mad at them, for some reason feels good. Its super weird and embarrassing to say out loud, but we all feel that sometimes. Just be aware that the human urge to be evil does not come from God. So pray about it, because it is not what He desires for us. He will turn your heart and soften your soul. Look for the good in your friends and you will find more joy than you could know!

10. Rejoices with the truth. Please always always tell the truth. Being someone people can trust is such a noble quality, and you will find that friends will stay if you always are honest. Sometimes the truth will hurt, but as God says....rejoice in the truth. Be thankful that you are able to put it out there, it will set you free.

11. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. These are actions that we can choose to do for those we love. Choose to protect them, their reputation and their hearts. Choose to trust others, even if they hurt you. If it's too much for you, then clearly walk away from that relationship. But if you choose to be in it, you must trust. It's not always easy, but God says we have to...so you have to. And don't quit on them. God says to persevere, don't give up! Fight for your friends and believe in them!

12. Love never fails. Thank God.